Caye Caulker Errects Shotty Statue
Overview - Caye Caulker is cheap and extremely laid back. After three days you will know everyone on the island. After three weeks you will start dealing weed while letting your dread locks grow out. After three months you will save a 15 year old girl from drowning. The locals will erect a shotty statue of you to commemorate your bravery. It will be awesome. But don't listen to what they tell you about the rules of international waters. You don't get to keep the girl.
Caye Caulker has a unique mix of backpackers, hippies, retirees and American dropouts. Tourists go to San Pedro. Caye Caulker is mostly clean. You can easily get by on 12 to 15 dollars per day for food and drink. There are a ton of bars, but little to no party-type situations.
The Locals - Caye Caulker locals are all reggae gangsta. Imagine Bob Marley driving down Crenshaw Boulevard. This is what raggae gangsta is. Unfortunately, the Caye Caulker raggae gangstas don't have cars. They have bikes. Exactly.
What is the city known for - A short swim off of the world's second largest barrier reef. Drugs. Harmless Rasta Gangstas. Cheap panty rippers (rum drink).
Most commonly used phrase - I've got reds, greens and whites homeboy
Boozing - The I&I Reggae Lounge is a 4 story bar with swings and hammocks. Smoke greens on the fourth floor deck. Swing on a hammock while you get sober. Pop some pills and escape paranoia on the second floor. Head to the first floor orgy hammock room when you're through. Don't be afraid to be the first one to take your pants off.
The Lazy Lizard on the north end of town has the best public beach access. During the afternoon, it's the place to be. You can play backgammon with the bartender or cook for free drinks. The bartender is tough, but the cook is dead money. The Oceanside has bands and karaoke each night and is packed with college kids between 10 and midnight.
All of the bars are really cheap. It's about $1 for a Belikin beer. If you feel like something else, leave the grape pucker shots at home and try the panty ripper. It's the cheapest buzz on the island. I mixed mine with the Percocet tablets I bought in Belize City. It left me with no complaints.
Taking a Lover - Caye Caulker brings in boatloads of backpackers by the hour. They all stay in hostels or pension rooms. Buying a drink for someone who looks a bit dirty goes a long way. The local women are hot, but only if you like your baby with back. I personally got hit on by more guys than girls. It may just have been my "I'm not gay, but my BFF is" shirt. Most locals go to the Sunset Disco on weekends. It's on the west side of the island. Hit the Oceanside during the week.
Food - The Tropical Paradise has amazing chicken burritos. The Sand Box has the best overall food on the island. I had everything from fish to pork. Plus the Sand Box is cheap enough for all the locals to eat there. The downside is that the Sand Box is cheap enough for locals to eat there. Avoid Rasta Pasta and the Sports Bar on Front Street. If you get up early, try Glenda's for breakfast.
Activities - Fishing, snorkeling, and diving off the world's second largest barrier reef. The fish are mad. Sharks, rays, and tons of creatures you have never heard of circle the reef. Diving and fishing are expensive. You will drop $100 to $200 for scuba diving. However, there is a sick 120' dive called the blue hole that is well worth the money. Blue fin shark circle the blue hole cavern at about 50'. The locals swear by Frenchies for scuba tours. I'm also pretty sure the locals get paid to swear by Frenchies for scuba tours.
If you are on a budget, you can rent snorkel and fins for the day for $5. Head to the north end of the island. It's called the spit. The split was formed when hurricane Haitte cut through the island and left the channel. The current is swift and fish swim through it all day long. This is also where fisherman cast, so don't get caught in someone's line.
If you are a sucker for punishment, a local gives sail surfing lessons mid-island. Sail surfing involves strapping your feet into a small surfboard, grabbing onto a line attached to a parachute, and being dragged around the ocean for an hour. I watched a hoard of pasty tourists flounder about for nearly two hours. No one ever got up. I tipped the instructor a fiver just for the entertainment.
Lodging - I paid $15 at Tom's for a single. A double is $30. The room was really clean, but did not have the greatest beach setup. The Tropical Paradise seemed to have the best beach access and was just as cheap. There is no shortage of hostels in Caye Caulker, so just walk around until you find something you like. Most of the accommodations are on the south part of the town. The Tree Tops Hotel is flat out dope. They only have four rooms though.
Getting Medicated - You can easily buy weed and cocaine off street vendors. You will be asked about 50 times per hour. Just get used to the harassment if you don't party. The local pharmacy will give you prescription narcotics without a prescription. I made up a story about a backache to get some Vicodin. I doubt that I needed to, but it seemed to make the cashier feel better. She also ended up giving me a back rub. She thought I looked touch starved.
Weirdest Scene - Orgy hammocks at the I&I Reggae Lounge.
Getting There and Away - Take a water taxi leaving every hour from Belize City for about $12. Tropic Air does not fly in and out.
Modes of Transportation while in Town - Everyone walks it. There are about 2 cars on the entire island. Obese Americans rent golf carts.
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