San Pedro Perfects Panty Ripper
Overview - San Pedro is a popular backpacker and tourist destination on Amergris Caye off the coast of Belize. It is busier and more expensive than the backpacker hub of Belize, Caye Caulker. Expense is relative though. You can still get a room for $15 and a Belikin beer for $1.50.
San Pedro caters to the backpacker crowd with at least 5 low priced hostels. It also offers high end luxury rooms for the traveler with more than $150 in their checking account.
What is the city known for - Stone's throw off of the world's second largest barrier reef. Great white sand beaches. Drugs. Harmless Rasta Gangstas. The panty ripper (rum drink).
Most commonly used phrase - I've got reds, greens, and whites homeboy
Boozing - Fido's has live bands and a great atmosphere. It's packed with backpackers and younger tourists. The bands are really bad. However, the drinks are cheap and the bands seem to take frequent breaks. I had a great time just watching the 35 year old woman recapture their youth to the tune of the Spin Doctor's Two Princess.
Cannibals is the most happening place between 11 p.m. and midnight. A keyboardist belts out 80's tunes on his Casio Privia all night long. Make sure to request some Duran Duran. The keyboardist cries a river each time he plays Wild Boys. He also dedicates the song to some dude named Peter-Paul. I don't know Peter-Paul, but I can only assume he is the casio player's very own wild boy. I love a train-wreck, and requested Wild Boys each time I went out. Tip $5 to hear it twice in one night.
There are a few disco's in town. Let's be honest though. Going dancing while you are in the Caribbean is for 40 year olds on their 3rd marriage trying to show their hottie gf that they still know how to party. Skip the disco and head to Cannibals to teach an 18 year old spring breaker how to do a body shot. If you do feel the need to shake what your mamma gave you, try Wet Willies on Wednesdays (ladies night). It's open till 2 a.m. and is more of a locals hangout.
Taking a Lover - San Pedro is filled with transients, backpackers and dropouts. Find someone you like and try not to be an asshead. There are also University tours of the barrier reef ripe with 19 year old co-eds clinging to their dream of being a marine biologist. Roll your eyes back like a shark and bite one of them on the neck.
For those pederasts on the prowl, there is a large population of 17 to 18 year-old teens traveling with Mom and Dad. The downside to these girls is that they are usually with their parents. The upside is that 21 means nothing in Belize. If the girl can break from mother bear, she will be ready to party. Try using terms like "group hang" and "3rd base." Watch a couple episodes of the OC before you hit town. You'll do just fine.
Food - Restaurant Caliente has by far and away the best food on the island. Price is mid-range, but well worth it. They also serve great margaritas and offer deck seating on the ocean. Try the fajita, fish, or anything with their ginger-rum sauce. I ate at Restaurant Caliente twice a day.
The Stained Glass Pub has great burgers. I got into a great conversation with the cook. He was later sent home for being too high. I'm pretty sure it was the pain-killers I gave him. But like a true drug pioneer, he skipped going home, sat down at the bar, smoked a cigarrette, had a glass of wine, and was back to cooking burgers and jerk chicken by the top of the hour.
Activities - Fishing, snorkeling, and diving off the world's second largest barrier reef. The fish are mad. Sharks, rays, and tons of creatures you have never heard of hide in the reef. Diving and fishing are expensive. You can sell the fish you catch if you are a hustler, but you will not make up the $100 you drop for the guide. Diving is also expensive ($100 to $200), but there is a sick 120' dive called the blue hole that is worth trying. Blue fin shark regularly circle the cavern at about 50'. Snorkeling is cheap at $25 for a half day. A half day in a boat with tourists is about all I could take. You can also rent sailboats and jet skis.
Lodging - For those on a budget try Ruby's. They have terrible single rooms for $15. Doubles are $35. The hotel deck faces the ocean though, and there are tons of backpackers bustling through the place. Thomas Hotel has better rooms, but no view. For people not willing to live in squalor, The Mayan Princess has upscale rooms with a kitchenette and private balconies for $100+. This by the way is where the 17 to 18 year-old teens lodge with Mom and Dad.
Getting Medicated - Scoring drugs in Belize is as hard to do as stealing pop rocks from a 7-11. Ok, it is actually much easier. You cannot walk the islands main street without being hassled by at least 10 vendors. Drugs in Belize are illegal, so don't make any transactions in the open. Bring your score back to the hotel. Locals use the term "reds, greens, and whites." Greens mean marijuana, reds are the local bud-free blend of weed, and whites mean cocaine. You can also get X without too much difficulty. I was threatened with a knife by a dealer on my last night in San Pedro. I am also a jackass.
Weirdest Scene - Rocky Cholo's Sports Emporium is the weirdest place on the island. From what I can tell, Rocky is a closet case homosexual who hires young boys to ride bikes around the island selling weed to tourists. We were the only gringos in the place, and Rocky tried to give me "the best backrub on the island" about 5 times.
Getting There and Away - Grab a flight for $50 US from Belize City, or take a water taxi leaving every hour from Caye Caulker or Belize City for about $12.
Modes of Transportation while in Town - Walk it fat ass. The city is only about a mile long.
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