In Austin, “Alamo” Means You Can Drink
Overview - Austin is for damned sure the best thing that has ever happened to Texas. Austin has brought you such hits as party at the moon tower, Randal "Pink" Floyd, Wooderson, 6th street, Stevie Ray Vaughan, open container fair play, naked bongos, Beavis and Butthead, and the Slacker. If you're not quite sold, you need to reset your top priority of the summer.
Even hippies don't suck in Austin, and mugging a frat boy is widely encouraged. Where else on earth can you legally mount a shotgun on the back of your pickup and shoot varmints off the side of the road?
If you are a liberal, Austin is the only county in Texas that did not vote for Bush. But keep an open mind Lefty. Shooting guns while drinking and driving is an amusement for everyone.
What is the city know for - Out of towners call Austin the "Live music capital of the world." This phrase was probably invented by someone from Dallas. And they probably made it up while sipping a "Barnamint Baileys" at their local TGI Friday. Austin locals hate Dallas culture, Dallas people, Dallas sprawl, and whatever horse Dallas rode in on. Austin locals just hate Dallas. But we do love our local music, and Austin Texas has plenty of local music to love. From rockabilly to punk. From country to club tracks. Austin live music is a cherry bomb.
The Austin City Limits PBS show has been televising the sounds of Austin since 1975. Austin City Limits started out by playing Stevie Ray Vaughn and Willie Nelson. 2005 has already brought the Pixies, Modest Mouse and Bright Eyes to tv's across the nation. But Austin gets it. The Gambler still plays about every other year.
SXSW is the best music festival in the US. 100's of upcoming bands play the streets like kings. The other 1000 uninvited acts play house parties. If you own a home in Austin, your house will most likely be invaded by about 40 of your closest friends looking for a place to crash during SXSW. You will know about half of them. But don't worry. The half you don't know will leave you some beef jerkey on thier way out of town.
Outside of the live music scene, the University of Texas, naked swimming at Barton Springs, and about 10 million Mexican fruit bats that fly over your head every night bump Austin's rating to an 8.5. Solid.
Parts of Town - Downtown is where the action is. Tarrytown and Travis Heights are great places to live. Hyde Park is where UT students hang for cheap. It's home to the Posse East and The Parlor. Regardless of how bad you want to hear "Fall With Your Knife," don't play Peter Murphy on the Parlor's jukebox. Bad idea.
I've got the zip code 78704 tattooed on my shoulder. And that's because south Austin is a getaway. Hit the east side if you are a MexiCAN.
Most commonly used phrases - "Kegger at the moon tower." "Hook'em Horns."
Events - SXSW is in March. This is all Austin really requires. But if you are the needy type, check out the blessing of the animals, Eeyore's birthday party, Cinco de Mayo, the Zilker Park tree lighting, or the Austin City Limits Music Festival.
Clubs / Bars - Go to Club de Ville on Red River if you want to chill. UT academic types live at the Dog and Duck pub. Casino El Camino is the best bar on 6th Street. The Spider House is my favorite hang out in Hyde Park. Go to Emo's for all other occasions.
Gay Play - Rifle to the Boyz Celler or Oil Can Harry's on 4th if you want to get gay crazy. Wear a mesh shirt and immediately take off your pants when you get in. But make sure to put your pants back on if you go back into the street. This is still Texas Fanny.
Film - Austin hosts several film festivals each year. SXSW is the tree top. The Austin Film Festival is the most respected. Flicker is the least respected because it's named Flicker.
Austin is also home to a major film studio, Wes Anderson, Richard Linklater and Robert Rodriguez. If you are a film maker, f-bomb USC. Move to Austin with your tuition money and make a low budget kung-fu film. Get Owen Wilson to play a gay cowboy. Get Luke Wilson to play the gay cowboy's B.F.F. Have Mathew McConaughey just act cool.
If you just like to watch movies, the Alamo Draft House hosts art house movies and classics. And when I use the word classics, I mean movies like The Big Lebowski, Swingers and Strange Brew. In Texas, any establishment with the word "Alamo" in its title means you can drink. The more obvious usage of "draft house" is a bigger tip, but only if you're not from Texas.
Best Concert Venues - Emo's is a riot. It hosts punk, Emo and darksider bands 4 days a week. Emo's is also where I like to leg wrestle 16 year old boys. You don't have to. It's just sort of my deal. I'm special.
Stubb's is both big and intimate. The big part is outside. The intimate part is behide the b-b-q pit after most shows. Of the national acts that come to town, Stubb's routinely books the best.
La Zone Rosa books hot alt-rock bands every Thursday, Friday and Saturday. Move fast. Even long forgotten acts like Super Chunk sell out quick.
The Backyard is way out of town. I have seen some great shows there. If you are still 50-50 for a show at the Backyard, just remember that it's on Bee Cave Road. If that's not enough of an impetus to give your crew the rock lock, I just don't want to know you.
Taking a Lover - Emo's is a perfect place to meet 21 to 28 year old singles. It's very easy to strike up a conversation with a stranger. Try talking about your tattoo's or your high score in Ms Pac Man. Pretentiousness is dead in Austin. Just be yourself, and you'll do just fine.
Go to Barton Springs pool for daytime sharking. You can swim naked. Grab a group of topless girls and tell them you stashed a 12'er of Shiner Bock behind the bushes. It's much better if you did actually stash the 12'er of Shiner Bock behind the bushes if they actually agree to come with you. Trust me.
If none of this works for you, it's probably time to buy a cowboy hat. Make sure to get it plenty dirty before wearing it out. Everyone hates a poser.
Food - Tex-mex and bar-b-que in Austin are my umbilical cord. You cannot beat Chuy's for food. They have a couple of locations. I frequent the one at 1728 Barton Springs Road. The Hula Hut on Lake Austin Blvd is situated at the end of a pier. The food is great, the view is even better, and the margaritas trip me up. Trudy's is good and cheap. The Iron Works on 100 Red River is the best BBQ in town. I recommend Rudy's if you need to both gas up and get BBQ.
The Clay Pit has the best Indian food. Kerby Lane Cafe is great when you're drunk. Mangia has the best pizza. Z Tejas has a Z in its title and its name almost sounds like Texas. You can order black peppar onion rings at Hut's Hamburgers.
I'm a Vegetarian - Being a vegetarian in Texas is not simple. You need to be increadibly explicit while ordering. And even after that you are guarented to at the very least get beef broth all over your dish. There are two restaurants in Austin that cater to the vegetarian. My favorite is the Eastside Cafe on Manor Rd. The Eastside is expensive and reservations are tough to get. Despite this, the Eastside is a great place to take a date. The bonus to dining at the Eastside is that you can easily score some drugs on Manor Rd. while you drive home. Just don't mention to the dealer that you just ate at the Eastside Cafe. You'll pay double. The other vegetarian restaurant in Austin worth mentioning is the West Lynn Cafe. They have good wine, tasty bread, and average Italian food.
Outdoor Activities - Austin is jam packed with free outdoor activities. If you have a boat, Lake Travis is where it's at year round. Town Lake is great for walks, biking and canoeing. Zilker Park has something for everyone.
Disc golf is huge in Austin. There are about 6 free courses. My friends and I usually down a case of beer while playing. Make sure to bring some weed. It is customary to leave a "doobie" on the chain linked hole for the foursome behind you. Bartholomew, Searight, and Zilker are my favorites. Searight is the most laid back.
Deep Eddy pool rocks for swimming, but they don't let you get naked. Barton Springs does. Mount Bonnel has the best views of the city. Plus you can piss off the rich residents by blasting Ween from your 1992 Saturn SL2 on the drive up.
For Friday Night Lights, try Westlake High School football. They have astro-turf and a 50,000 dollar jumbo-tron. Austin takes its high school football very seriously.
Getting Medicated - Just walk east of I-35. If you are too lazy to leave downtown, go to the corner of Red River and 7th street. If you are a share cropper, just prospect a hippie hangout. Try the disk golf courses, Hippie Hallow or Barton Springs.
Weird Scenes - Homeless transvestite Leslie Cochran runs for an elected office every year and harasses people on 6th street every night. The city loves her.
Modes of Transportation while in Town - The Zilker Zephyr is a mini-train that rolls you around Zilker Park like an east village queen. Most people in Austin bike, bus, or drive. If you do bike it, please do not be obese. And unless you are Lance Armstrong, leave the lycra for slender gay men. If I see another 250 pounder from Pfluegerville rolling through downtown in a yellow leader's jersey, I may just run you over. Vigilante justice rules in Texas. God will understand.
Lodging - The Driskill is really expensive, but the best hotel in the city. Hostelling International Austin is the only hostel in the city. It is located on Town Lake, has no curfew, and you can rent a canoe. Sold.
A bit about the writer - Jeremy lived in Austin from 1999 to 2003. Jeremy's favorite things to do in Austin were to leg wrestle young boys, take pretend public naps and play anarchy soccer.
Links -
Austin Chronicle - Weekly music, restaurant, and local scene paper
Austin American Statesman - Daily paper