Toledo Moves Deaf People to Airport
Famous for: "Saturday Night in Toledo, Ohio" by John Denver, Jamie "Corporal Klinger" Farr, Tony Packo's, Toledo Mud Hens, Basset Nut Company, Jeep, Carty Finkbeiner
Overview: Founded in 1833 when two small towns that no one has ever heard of, Port Lawrence and Vistula, snatched up land next to a proposed canal that was going to bypass some rapids on the Maumee river. The two rival towns managed to bury the hatchet long enough to get Toledo started.
Michigan and Ohio fought a war over Toledo, called the Toledo War (1835-1836). This family feud ended abruptly when governmental leaders in Michigan realized what they were fighting over. Michigan was the first to surrender, simultaneously providing the great state of Ohio with the city of Toledo and its only victory. Ever.
Around 1936 the first building with glass walls was built in Toledo for Owens-Illinois. This led to a new appreciation of the old saw about glass houses and stones as well as the famous International Style of architecture, sometimes criticized as stark and dehumanizing. Think: Huge cement box with floor to ceiling windows.
In 1943 Jeep began producing... Jeeps. This is a spike both economically and culturally. When Jeep threatened to relocate its massive factory to a different city some years later, Mayor Carlton Finkbeiner offered them the keys to the city tax coffers if they would only stay. Private property was confiscated by the abuse of eminent domain and Jeep stayed. Carty is no longer Mayor.
Toledo is located, more or less, at 41°39'56" North, 83°34'31" West (41.665682, -83.575337). You can find Toledo on Ohio Interstate Route 75 just before you get to the Michigan border, on your way to Detroit. Toledo is split into unequal parts, both geographically and economically, by the Maumee River. The city is North of what used to be the Great Black Swamp, which gave rise to another nickname for Toledo; Frog Town. Oak Openings park, or Mosquito Town, is slightly West of Toledo. The population of Toledo pegged at around 310,000 in 2002 and has been declining ever since as college graduates migrated elsewhere to find a decent career.
When the populace of Toledo can afford a collar, it's blue. There are many quaint, ethnic neighborhoods in Toledo, but don't go there unless you are fluent in native language and custom. This is particularly true of the East Side and the Old North End. The New and Improved North End isn't much better.
Quotes: "Move the deaf people next to the airport." C. Finkbeiner. This is paraphrased, but unless you know the lyrics to the John Denver song, it's the only quote worth remembering.
Books About: Banksters, Bosses, and Smart Money: A Social History of the Great Toledo Bank Crash of 1931 by Timothy Messer-Kruse; High Drama in Fabulous Toledo by Lily James; Great Lakes dredging and the environment: Hearing before the Committee on Governmental Affairs, United States Senate, One Hundred Second Congress, first session, July 29, 1991, Toledo, OH (S. hrg) by United States
Architecture: International Style (see above).
Attractions in Toledo: Toledo Museum of Art, Toledo Zoo, Raceway Park
Attractions close to Toledo: Put-In Bay (an island in Lake Erie), Kelly's Island (largest island in Lake Erie), Cedar Point Amusement Park (Sandusky, OH), Lakeside, Ohio (small town), The Butterfly House (Whitehouse, OH), Wolcott House (Maumee, OH)
Food: All kinds. Fifi's Restaurant, 1423 Bernath Parkway. Really expensive, really pretentious, really crappy service, really weird food.; Mancy's Italian, 5453 Monroe St., Second only to Fifi's. Expensive and pretentious. Good service once you get seated, which can take a few hours unless you are a regular customer, in which case you'll get in ahead of everyone else. Mancy's does this on purpose.; Tony Packo's Café, 1902 Front Street, Casual, noisy, spicy food. Good place to get loaded.; Seafood, 5504 Alexis Rd, Good food, good prices; Avva's Kitchen, 7229 W Central Ave, Indian food. Owner on premises. Excellent!; H J's Prime Cut, 505 E Alexis Rd, Best steak in town, reasonable price.
Music: Murphy's Place, 151 Water St Live jazz, good booze. Great place.; Frankie's Inner City, 308 Main St, Check it out. If you don't like it, leave.; Mickey Finn's Pub, 602 Lagrange St, Live music, good place. Not far from the famous Lagrange Street Pool Hall. Carry your pistol with you.; Club Bijou, 209 N. Superior St., Hot spot of Toledo. Name bands, huge dance floor. Place rocks! But remember, this is Toledo.
Gay Scene: Caesar's Show Bar,725 Jefferson Ave. Been there forever. Do not stop and ask directions of the locals.
Showtimes: Pick up a copy of the Toledo Blade.
Prostitutes: One of these days somebody will actually go to an oriental massage parlor and want a massage. Check the sports page for entertainment coupons.
Getting Medicated: Rumor has it that Western Avenue where it crosses Broadway is a good place to score drugs. Just cruise around and someone will make a gesture about selling drugs. Another location is Jefferson St. and Monroe St. downtown. The two streets run parallel with each other. Just cruise down one and up the other. Parking lots at Mickey Finn's Pub and Club Bijou are good locations. If you're at Mickey Finn's, you can just ask around and somebody will be able to steer you in the right direction.
Little Known Gem: J&G Pizza, 5692 Main St, Sylvania, OH. The place is always packed. Get pizza or a gyro dinner. Toledo Art Museum. One of the best museums in the entire USA.
Secret That Everybody Knows: Ann Arbor, MI is only 45 minutes North on US 23.
Secret That Few Know: Village Inn, 4984 N Holland Sylvania Rd, Sylvania, OH. Corner of N. Holland Sylvania and Brint Rd. If you are just regular folks and like beer, rock and roll, good chili and hearty parties then this is the place for you. There are no BWM's in the parking lot, but you'll find a few bikes, trucks and regular guy type cars. There is an outdoor patio and during the summer the party spills out into the large parking lot. There are no fights or ass hat drunks.
Getting There and Away: Take I-75 either North or South and keep going. If you want to head East or West use I-280; Toledo Express Airport and Northwest Airline. These days the security personnel are more obnoxious than usual. Northwest Airlines offers flights to and from Detroit Metro; If you don't feel like flying, take the train. Amtrak station is at 415 Emerald Ave.
Public Transport: Toledo Area Regional Transport Authority (TARTA) bus lines.
Taxi! Phone: 419-244-7206 or 419-255-9000 or 419-241-1234. After about eighty years, someone will show up.
If You Get Busted: If you mess up and do something incredibly stupid and get busted for it, call attorney at law John "Johnny the Hammer" Coble on Central Park West. Hammer will improve your situation, especially if you have money.
Things to Avoid: Carty Finkbeiner.
Local Twitches: Outlying areas such as Ottawa Hills, Sylvania, Perrysburg, and especially Bowling Green are not a part of Toledo. The locals are sensitive to this. Sylvania isn't Toledo, get me? Also, if you're a smoker you won't be allowed to light up in Toledo thanks to the health department and a spineless city council. Find a restaurant outside the city limits, and there are plenty of them, and you can smoke like a chimney.